Listen with Windows Media Player Plug-in THANKS FOR ALL THE EDUCATIONAL E-MAILS I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the last year. ~Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door withouty using a paper towel. ~I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. ~I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. ~I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces. ~I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one past-time while driving alone is picking your nose although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot). ~Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. ~I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck! ~I must snd my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. ~Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. ~I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receieve rhe $15,000.00 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. ~I no longer worry about mu soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. ~I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. ~I no longer use cancer-causing deoderants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. ~Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. ~Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. ~I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. ~I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans. ~I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. ~And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water oin the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me fir life. ~I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. ~I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. ~I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. ~I no longer shap at Target since they are French and don't support our American Troops or the Salvation Army. ~I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for and I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. ~I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. ~Thank to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown african spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. ~And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. ~I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies. ~If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.... ~I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. Have aa wonderful day... Oh, by the way.... A German scientist from Argentina, afet a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!!! ~written by EJM Missouri~ THE DEVIL LEFT HIS BAGS" Don't sweat the small stuff. A.S.A.P. - Always Say A Prayer You put the devil out, but you let him leave his bags. Never quite looked at it like this before... You got out of a bad relationship because it was bad, but you are still resentful and angry. You let the devil leave his bags! You got out of financial debt, but you still can't control the desire to spend on frivolous things. Youm let the devil leave his bags! You got out of a bad habit or addiction, but you still long to try it just one more time. You let the devil leave his bags! You said, I forgive you, but you can't seem to forget and have peace with that person. You let the devil leave his bags! You told your unequally yoked mste that it was over, but you still continue to call. You let the devil leave his bags! You got out of that horribly oppressive job, but you're still trying to sabotage the company after you left work. You let the devil leave his bags! You cut off the affair with the married man/woman, but you still lust after him/her. You let the devil leave his bags! You broke off your elationship with that hurtful, abusive person, but you are suspicious and distrusting of every new person you meet. You let the devil leave his bags! You decided to,let go of the past hurts from growing up in an unstable family environment, yet you believe you are unworthy of love from others, and you refuse to get attached to anyone. You letb the devil leave his g=bags! When you put the devil out, please make sure he takes his bags. ~Author Unknown~submitted by Karen King~ Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Bible Study Pages Edited and Updated: April 24, 2008
THANKS FOR ALL THE EDUCATIONAL E-MAILS I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the last year. ~Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door withouty using a paper towel. ~I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. ~I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. ~I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces. ~I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one past-time while driving alone is picking your nose although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot). ~Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. ~I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck! ~I must snd my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. ~Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. ~I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receieve rhe $15,000.00 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. ~I no longer worry about mu soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. ~I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. ~I no longer use cancer-causing deoderants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. ~Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. ~Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. ~I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. ~I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans. ~I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. ~And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water oin the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me fir life. ~I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. ~I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. ~I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. ~I no longer shap at Target since they are French and don't support our American Troops or the Salvation Army. ~I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for and I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. ~I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. ~Thank to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown african spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. ~And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. ~I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies. ~If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.... ~I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. Have aa wonderful day... Oh, by the way.... A German scientist from Argentina, afet a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!!! ~written by EJM Missouri~
THE DEVIL LEFT HIS BAGS" Don't sweat the small stuff. A.S.A.P. - Always Say A Prayer You put the devil out, but you let him leave his bags. Never quite looked at it like this before... You got out of a bad relationship because it was bad, but you are still resentful and angry. You let the devil leave his bags! You got out of financial debt, but you still can't control the desire to spend on frivolous things. Youm let the devil leave his bags! You got out of a bad habit or addiction, but you still long to try it just one more time. You let the devil leave his bags! You said, I forgive you, but you can't seem to forget and have peace with that person. You let the devil leave his bags! You told your unequally yoked mste that it was over, but you still continue to call. You let the devil leave his bags! You got out of that horribly oppressive job, but you're still trying to sabotage the company after you left work. You let the devil leave his bags! You cut off the affair with the married man/woman, but you still lust after him/her. You let the devil leave his bags! You broke off your elationship with that hurtful, abusive person, but you are suspicious and distrusting of every new person you meet. You let the devil leave his bags! You decided to,let go of the past hurts from growing up in an unstable family environment, yet you believe you are unworthy of love from others, and you refuse to get attached to anyone. You letb the devil leave his g=bags! When you put the devil out, please make sure he takes his bags. ~Author Unknown~submitted by Karen King~
Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Bible Study Pages
Edited and Updated: April 24, 2008